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the practice of being creative everyday

21st of November – creativity as a chore

November 21st, 2011 at 10:53

Hello my fellow creative friends and all other visitors to my blog,

I’ve decided to pull out of the NaNoWriMo this year. Aaaahhh what a shame I hear some of you, well, I imagine it is what some of you might say right now.

What a pity, yes. Why? It’s not that I don’t have the time to do it and I know how to do this, I’ve done two years of NaNoWriMo (‘09 and ‘10), it isn’t that hard to write the rough shitty first draft of an idea of a novel – for that’s what you do during NaNoWriMo, you write the initial idea, a draft, a frame and ideas of a novel in 30 days during the month of November. You develop the plot, describe your characters, write dialogues between imaginary people, invent and gather snippets of events, facts and scenes that lead to creating a bigger picture, a plot, a story, a novel.

I have an idea for a story and I have written 35,000 words so far. But I find my own story rather sad and depressing. Oh, it will have a happy ending, but in the lead up to that happy ending, the resolve of the conundrum called life challenges, there is just so much heart ache and sadness and I find it depressing to imagine all that. My own imagination is dragging me down :-P . I find it hard t solve other people’s problems just now because, to be frank, I’ve had enough of my own up to very recently!

So, I’ve decided to put this novel to one side for another time. I tried but now I will discontinue my attempts of pushing trough. By this I mean the senseless idea of finishing by writing another 15,000 words thinking, well, it’s NaNo, it’s November and I will have accomplished yet another ‘winner-year’ but what’s the point if my creativity is being pushed to a point to when it feels like a chore?

I found it hard to give up because it feels a bit like a defeat. And in that lies a big downside to these monthly challenges for if you set yourself an (in my case unhappy) target you might just stop enjoying the process altogether, and really, what’s the point of that??

It did lead me to reflect and come to a better understanding of myself. I know, now (?) I get a great kick out of being able to say, I did it, I hit target. I posted, created, wrote, finished what I set out to do. And I also know now my inner critic is doing a big nanananaaana happy dance chanting, I told you so, you failed haahaha in a sneering, nasty voice. So now, I find my inner critic is the one threatening to stand in the way for me to express ‘my music’ the melody that sings a happy tune inside me, softly and threatens to shut up the state of being that leads me to make the art I do.

I want to make peace with my inner critic, I like the muse to stay and not be chased away by the sneering inner critic. So, I decide to follow the tune and set aside the novel and it’s sad events to avoid giving the inner critic the negative energy to irk the muse.

There you go. Today I’m limping out of the arena of writing and this is all I could come up with for the 21st day of AEDM2011. But I saved the muse and that’s a good thing.

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